What they say and what they mean:
“I’m just happy to be nominated.”
I’m going to crawl over ground glass to make sure that no-talent skank doesn’t beat me for the Oscar.
“I’m young and I just like to have fun.”
I sleep with everything that walks, and there is no substance I won’t swallow, sniff or shoot up.
“Of course I haven’t had any plastic surgery. I don’t believe in that.”
There is not one part of my body that has not been rebuilt.
“I’m a natural blonde.”
If natural means 4 hours in the hair colorist du jour’s chair every two weeks.
“I am monogamous by nature. I’m a one woman type of guy.”
My publicist wrote that shit – want to join me later for a threesome?
LOL – thanks for confirming our suspicions!
I KNEW IT!!!
I’m taking your word as a show biz insider! Here’s another one “I wish him the best of luck as he goes on his solo tour.” In other words, “Have a car wreck, scum bag.”
When someone says they’re a natural blonde, I demand proof on the spot. That’ll teach them to, you know, start a conversation about hair.
I am also rather fond of, “We hope you will respect our privacy during this difficult time, and we intend to remain friends.” Translation: “… as soon as the solvent removes the superglue I used to adhere his straying privates to his stomach.”
lol! you mean the box of hair color being labeled as ‘natural blonde’ doesn’t count?
LMAO. That’s sweet. It’s sad, but I totally heard different celebrities under each ot those subtitles. Note:
“I’m young and I like to have fun = La Lohan, Paris Hilton, Mischa Barton, I could go on and on.
“I don’t believe in plastic surgery”= Ashlee Simpson (lovin’ her new nose, btw…)
“I’m just happy to be nominated,” = Annette Bening, after losing the Oscar to Hilary Swank TWICE.
“I’m monogamous by nature” = Charlie Sheen
Hey Lisa! Don’t you love it when the orchestra cues up and cuts off the speech nobody cares to hear and they cut away to a shampoo commercial for Pantene with Kelly Ripa? This was so funny!
What does it REALLY mean when they jump on couches, repeatedly professing their love for young starlets?:)
Hee! Love this one.
I read that last part. Can I make it a foursome?
“I loved the script.”
“I loved the paycheck.”
I’m glad someone cleared this up for me.
I love this post!!! Too funny. Hope all is well!!
Yep, copyranter took the words right out of my mouth.
You’re on to something here.
Maybe you should write one of those quickie phrase translators for tourists?
On the plastic surgery thing–I don’t know whether she has or hasn’t, but when Victoria Principal–who was MARRIED to a plastic surgeon until very recently–came out with a skin rejuvenating creme and infomercial–I pretty much threw my hands in the air at that point.
LOL!!!! It’s scary how true that probably is!!
Thank you for your comment last week. Take care!!
LOL, you nailed it sistah!
I’m baaaaaaack
LOL!
What does it mean when they say, “I’m just taking a break to stay home with my children”?
Isnt’ that true about the I’m glad to be nominated. Their publicists told them to say that. I love their frozen smiles when the cameras are on them.
My favorite is when a reporter will say “They are so comfortable in their own skin.” WTF? Who’s skin would they be more comfortable in? Or “You seem to know who you are.” Um, yes, I do not suffer from MPD!
Geez. The older I get, the less I find celebrity fascinating and the more dung beetles are appealing. hee hee.
I enjoyed reading your blog= What boring shit you write
How many guys have I met who fit the last one perfectly? Too many. Ugh.
To answer Janet’s question– jumping up and down on couchs, professing their love for a young actress = I have completely lost it.
Also in response to Janet’s question regarding esteemed couch jumper’s mindset? = “Pretending to be heterosexual is making me crazy.”
Oh and to answer Nat’s question about “wanting to stay home with my kids? = “I couldn’t get arrested if I paraded down Hollywood Boulevard in my birthday suit.”
“Our **highly publicized** divorce is a private affair, but I’ll tell you that we are still very close friends.” = “I can’t believe I ever fell for that slimey c*cks*cker and I’m gonna take him down.” or “I can’t believe I married Hollywood’s biggest whore. She’s not getting a DIME!”
LOL…I love a good Hollywood spin! It’s a shame us regular folks dont have some pro’ to help us out when we get into sticky situations like that, you know?
dude, Lisa…get outta’ my head.
Awards mean nothing to me.
(”Because I never get fecking nominated!”)
Guffaw all over the place. how funny is that sh*t?