There is an older woman in my building who is an absolute hag. She is probably in her early sixties, with pitch black think tar hair. It is styled in a look that never should have been allowed that has not been popular for well over thirty years. Timeless? No. Scary? Absolutely. Every time I see her I want to drag her immediately to the nearest hairdresser. And to make things even WORSE, her heavy pancake make-up looks like she put it on with a trowel is two inches thick. Getting a visual yet? She has the charm of Star Jones is a very arrogant woman which adds even less to her so called appeal. The only time I have ever seen her smile I watched to see if her face would crack is at Ally da Pup. What really pisses me off thoroughly is that when she sees me, she turns up her nose and looks very disapproving. What the fuck? Pardon? OK, so maybe the shirt, jeans, and ponytail I tend to run around in are not the trendiest things ever, but at least I don’t scare small children!
I ran into her in the lobby the other day after getting caught in an unexpected HEAVY thunderstorm.
My hair was plastered to the side of my head, my clothes were sticking to my body and I’m pretty sure my mascara was running. She of course gave me her patented I turn people to stone “look.” I was already in a bad mood and was one baby step away from saying something snotty to her. THEN I caught a glance at myself in the lobby mirror – I looked like something the cat dragged in. I hated to admit it I would have rather chewed ground glass but for once the old bag was justified, I DID look pretty bad.
Score one for the Wicked Witch of The West.
I think you might want to pitch that as a sitcom, Lisa!
Close your eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, there’s no place like home….
Well…just comparing her to Star jones was enough for me. She’s just jealous of your hotness and youth. Well…ok…I’ve never seen you myself but just indulge me…aren’t we all hot on the net?
imagine what SHE would look like drenched in rain! i’ll keep my fingers crossed for ya….lol
Well who the hell died and made her the Fashion Police? I hate people who judge me based on how I look, because most of the time I am right there with you in the jeans, t-shirt, and sandals. And a BoSox cap, just to tick people off.
That is too funny! And I agree with Dawn, could you imagine her face running down her clothes?!
Just don’t ever feed her after mid-night………. and remember, no water. Don’t need her multiplyin’, and she’s already evil enough!
Bud – You never know!
Zen Wizard – Can Toto come too?!
Mike – Thanks for the vote of confidence! FYI, no men have ever run away in horror when they met me
Dawn – You think she would melt? Or just get scarier, (if that’s even possible!)
Julie – Damn straight! Glad you are a kindred spirit
Mappy B – Be afraid, be very afraid!!!
Restless Angel – LMAO! I think you’re right, she’s probably a Gremlin as well
Next time just pour a bucket of water over her. I hate people like that. Unfortunately I get a lot of this stupidness from women in my neighborhood.
Oh and Menorca is a Baleric island of Spain.
Wow – I think you live in the same NYC bld where I used to live! I’ve been wondering about that old hag…. Glad to hear she’s alive and well (dripping with sarcasm….. ).
Yeah, but when you smile it’s all over for the other guys.
Lisa, you are very charming in person, and I should know
That’s why I bet that if you started complimenting this woman on something about her appearance or clothing each time you ran into her, it would ultimately disarm her. She’d be melting, melting — and not because you threw the bucket of water on her!
There is no way in hell that you could look bad. I don’t care how wild and wet your hair is. SOOOO, find out where this lady lives and let me stand outside of her apartment and play LADY OF SPAIN over and over until she comes out. When she does, I’ll just pretend I had the wrong apartment! THAT would serve her right!
You should do what I do, give her the finger when she’s not looking or make faces at her when her back is turned. I know it’s immature, but it always makes me feel better!! I’m sure you looked just fine!!
Mmmm, she sounds hot.
MrsMogul – Yea, it gets old.
Have a great vacation!
Luckysevn – Welcome! And LMAO… she’s EVERYWHERE!!!
Old Horsetail Snake – Ya think?
Annie – Thank you my friend! But you know, I have NO desire to be nice to her. If she became my buddy it would be even WORSE!!!
Last Girl – MWAH dear! And I would PAY to see that
Leave – Trust me, I do it in my head. Unfortunely my lobby and elevator are mirrored. And thanks!
D-Man – *shudders* LMAO!
What happened to the flying monkeys? They probably live in her butt and only come out on command… or when she farts hehe
Is she on jdate? She sounds hot.
oh man…she got you, my pretty!
Se7en – OY and LMAO
Marty – Probably
Two Drink Girl – And my little dog too?! YIKES!!!
The good news is that, since she was out in that weather, she has probably already melted. What a world, what a world.