What they say and what they mean:
“I’m thrilled to be performing for your audience on Christmas Day.”
Yea, I love getting up at 4 a.m. for hair and make-up on freaking Christmas to sing for a bunch of losers who will actually be watching morning tv. The things I do for my career. F*ck! My publicist is FIRED.
“I’m not anorexic, I’m just naturally skinny.”
I never eat, and get my vitamins from expensive champagne and heroin. Oh and my trainer gives me supplements. Don’t I look fabulous as a size 0 though?!”
“I’m so happy for my co-star. We were all just one big happy family on the set.”
That no-name bitch upstaged me! And she is getting all the award nominations? Screw that! I’ll show her by singing MY song on tv. She can just sit there with the group and applaud me while I look beautiful.
“I apologize for my inappropriate behavior, and deeply regret my actions.”
Actually I’m just sorry I got caught. And now I have to grovel to all those jerks. Endlessly. I wonder if rehab will make all this go away? Sure it will, then everyone will forget. That’s the ticket!
Good Morning Lisa! Hope you had a great day yesterday! and even better days ahead!
Right on.
LOL… Reeeaaaaaally funny!
We’ve been hearing that last one a lot lately, havent we?:)
Very good, Lisa. Take an A for today. Now, class, tonight’s homework: Please translate Tom Cruise for the years 2005 and 2006. Dismissed.
Bwahahaha! “REHAB” – the new get out of jail free card! They should incorporate that into the new Monopoly game!
Oooh, you passed up the flashing of the ladybits and the AA attendance? Could you expound on those for us? Inquiring minds want to know! LOL
Too funny! And everything you mentioned is already getting old. I wonder what next year’s list will be?
it kills me that Nicole Richey is always saying she’s not anorexic. how friggin dumb does she think we are? people simply are not born THAT “naturally” boney! oh well, it gives me something to LMAO at!
No interviews in rehab. It’s an escape, at least for a little while. I hope you had a great one, LisaB.
too true.
Hey, if I got paid what most celebrities get paid, I’d get up at 4am too, and be really happy about it, too!
I can’t blame ‘em, I hate when I get caught too! LOL Hilarious post!
Good ones! That “big happy family” crap always gets me. You gotta know somebody’s always wishin’ the stage lighting trak would fall on somebody, lol!
I think you forgot one sentence from the last translation:
“If they don’t forget because of the rehab, then I’ll just make another huge movie in another language no one understands about another guy who is supposed to be sacrificed!”
Ahhh, Mel.
Personally, I can’t wait for Michael Richards to speak at the next NAACP convention.
How about, “I only posed in Playboy so that women would no longer be ashamed of their bodies”?
Or, “I don’t no how that porn tape of me and my ex-boyfriend got released, but I think it is only fair that I share in the royalties.”
Or, “People who think Scientology is a mind-controlling cult are just misinformed and never took the time to research the facts. I for one am appalled at this lack of tolerance for an alternative religion.”
“Happy New Year”
Translation: “Happy New Year, Lisa. Everyone else can f@#$ right off.”
Actually, I THINK REHAB is the way to go….it seems people get more famous and more excused these days…WAKING UP at 4am is horrible…tv or no tv job…
On the nose.
Hope you had some merry.
LOL – I love how all these chicks are just naturally skinny!!! RIIIIIIIGHTTTTT!!!!
I’m back and thanks for the laugh!
I LOVE THESE!! Seriously, these are great. Too funny.
Happy New Year Lisa!
I just stopped by to say Happy New Year and that I was in your hood (read: in your city, like everywhere in the city) the other day. And that is all.