Are you a Chief
or an Indian?
This has been on my mind a lot lately. A friend and I were talking about our exes and their different personalities. Susan said her ex boyfriend was much too passive for her. While she liked that she usually got her way, she also wanted him to initiate things, i.e. “be the man.”
My comment?
“Some of us are Chiefs, and some of us are Indians.”
I believe this to be true. Some people are leaders, aka Chief’s, while others are followers, aka Indians. Both men and women can fit in either category. I think people who are Chief’s tend to be more assertive in their lives. They are often successful, driven, Type A personalities. They may also be somewhat challenging roommates.
Indians tend to be more passive in their approach. They often look for Chief’s to “run the show” as it were. I think they look to other, perhaps stronger people to lead. I would imagine they are much easier to cohabitate with on a long term basis.
Does it matter? Is it possible for two Chief’s to have a successful relationship? Or is there constant head butting? What about two Indians? Can they live peacefully without someone being the leader? Or is one of them quietly the Big Kahuna?
I believe a lot of people think that men are always Chief’s. I used to feel that way too. But I have met quite a few male Indians, and even more female Chief’s.
Have times changed, or is that the way it’s always been?
I’m starting to feel like I’m in Annie Dennison territory here. So what about you, are you a Chief or an Indian? And more importantly, WHY?
I can be either or depending on the need of the situation. I’m willing to defer authority to someone that is better suited to make judgements in a given situation. But I’ll also take charge at the drop of a hat when it’s necessary. I guess I’m passive/aggresive…
Why am I that way? I dunno…. hehe
You just missed my new post! Anyway about the astronaut thing, the woman is definitely associated with my husband’s job and I was going to steal her personal files to sell to reporters but the big boss took them already
yes ready to see Melissa Gilbert star in the TV Movie.
As for Chiefs…I think men think they are chief but the woman is always!!
My man and I are both Chiefs, and I think it’s important for us to have a good balance of each Chief’s jurisdiction – so we know the rules upfront!
I am definitely a Chief and have a hard time stopping myself from taking charge. That said, as a Chief, I will also defer to and even seek a more-qualified Chief in any given situation. In an organization, I make a very good second-in-command. Se7en said it well, although I don’t think it has anything to do with being passive-aggressive;). I don’t know what The Husband… is. He’s a lone operator. Our difficult marriage had less to do with our both being Chiefs than it did with his inability to play well with others. Interesting post, Lisa. Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog. :/
I tend to think of myself as a chief out in the world. I like leading things. But in relationships I am not a chief.
Good post! I like Seven’s response too.
In married life, hub travels often so I get to be the Chief while he’s away. The problem is, there is no reservation for me to rule, lol! At home, I usually decide when something needs done, and “push” to get it done. At work, I usually am the one who pushes to keep the wheel rolling, even though I’m never officially the “Chief” there either. Boy, now that I read this, I sound “pushy” don’t I? LOL!
I will say this: I don’t mind making decisions or being in charge, but not over everything. When hubby sits back and waits for me to “ok” that it’s ok to buy new tires for the car, it makes me want to push him out of teepee! ;D
Yes, I admit it, I’m the “chief”, or as I like to think of it, the alpha dog (since I live in a house of dogs). I’m a control freak – but not extremely so. Mostly I have to be in charge because no one else will be. – Really.
Control freak that I am, I would say that I am generally a Chief (though can be a really good indian when required …)
p.s. the cake was fabulous, thanks!
I’m a chameleon. I mold myself to fit into a relationship, within limits. My ex-husband was a control freak, and I put up with it as long as I could, then left. My late husband was passive, so I was the leader, but had to accomodate his male ego a lot. I don’t mind giving up the leadership if I trust the person leading. But I can also stand on my own two feet.
I’m the piano player in the saloon. Neither cowboy, nor Indian, nor chief, I’m the one who’s just there for the music and free beers.
Y’all are absolutely fascinating! Which I already knew of course
I think that I’m an Indian. I’m not sure.
Gotta be careful — some of the people you think are Indians area really quiet and subtle Chiefs.
I’ve always been an Indian because I’ve never felt like I could be a leader of any kind. Not to mention, the few times I’ve been given the opportunity to “lead”, I’ve failed miserably. Guess that’s what low self-esteem will get you…
Agree with Retropolitan. Some people lead quietly from the shadows. My grandmother was like that – in public (and even among family) she deferred to my grandfather, but she ruled that family with an iron fist.
I’m probably more of an indian, but I can step up and be a chief when there is no chief available. There are precious few worthy of that title, anyway.
I’m generally a Chief, and my wife kind of prefers it that way. I try not to be overly assertive, unless I have to be. I’ve found that quiet confidence and leading by example goes a long way in being recognized.
In my marriage, I’m the Chief…of Housekeeping. In all other matters, leadership is up for grabs, and depends on the situation.
In my friendship with you, Ms. Lisa, don’t you think we trade off?
Thanks for the link
That’s why people really need to live together a few years to see if they can work out the whole chief/indian thing. I gladly become an Indian when I know it’s the right thing to do. I assert my chiefness, which I do not consider a birthright, when I see a need. It has nothing to do with my sense of manliness. My wife came with her own circular saw. I never balanced a checkbook in my life. But I’m great at picking real estate and various household fix it jobs. I suck at cooking. But I’m good at cleaning. I wrote about doing laundry today.I gave up gardening. Role reversal is fun. You learn all kinds of things about yourself.
I’m happy to be independent and assertive (not aggressive) and yet fair, flexible and compromising especially when my ying has found her yang. But sometimes I just want to be the Indian and let someone else be in charge. OK, so I take charge, dammit, but that just means I know when not to (I hope, lol) and I prefer when someone knows why it’s ok that they prefer not to be in charge and not just let me take over because they have no strength in character.
I’m the indian and my husband is the chief, no doubt. when we have a problem, my husband will always get it resolved whether it’s a billing issue or whatever. I just sit back and smile while he busts them a new asshole.
“He was a chief in his own mind.”
I have to agree with you here, since I’m married to a retired AF officer…he’d be the chief! I get to be the chief sometimes, though. When we both attempt to take charge, it surely ends in someone whining!!
Which is the one on antibiotics? That’s the one I am.
You’re right. This is PERFECT for Annie’s blog. Can you be a combination of both or does merely suggesting the fact make you more one than the other? lol:)
Mostly Indian, occasionally Chief. It really depends on the situation.
I’m a friggin’ Chief. I WISH I were an Indian, because I think that would make my relationships easier. I feel like all the guys I am dating are threatened by the fact that I’m going to be knee-deep in an aggressive profession and most likely banking more cash than them.
Yeah. These days, I wish I had gone to paralegal school….
The hardest part of my married life was going toe to toe with my inner Chief as well as my spousal Chief. It wasn’t until I realized that I could be a Chief AND Indian that the sea calmed so to speak. BUT there are still times that our headdresses clash, the arrows come out, and the war is on.
Great post!
In my house and relationship I’m the Chief quite a bit. That’s just becuse I have a good husband that knows how to say “Yes, Dear”.
But mostly I’m an Indian, I don’t like attention and the stress that goes with being the Chief.
Sometimes I’m just the Wandering Nomad.
I am a Chief. Though there are times when erring on the side of good manners makes me an Indian… perhaps it depends on the company I’m keeping. LOL
I’m not normal so it’s hard for me to fit into one category.
Can’t I be the medicine man and sit around smoking a peace pipe?
I’m Gandhi.
P.S. Happy VD, baby!
I too am a pack leader but with a type B personality. I don’t have to be in charge but can step up and make a decision when necessary which usually throws me into the role of a leader.