I absolutely love about as much as I love a root canal the spam that infiltrates my inbox.
But you know what? These people really care about my life, health, and well being! And since they are just so darn considerate, I thought I should at least take the time to respond in kind.
“Penis size matters after 40″by Corine
Like I really needed you to tell me that Corine. Put a sock in it, will ya?
“Test and keep a new Nike SasQuatch driver and iron set”
You know where you can put your SasQuatch, dude.
“Slugging Jami Tor”
I’m sure Jami had it coming.
“What your financial advisor doesn’t want you to know”
That you know even less than he does?
“Busty babes at work”
Just cover the puppies, you trampy wenches.
Your turn!
LOL! I hear ya! I get them too. I think it’s because one time I googled Hooker Furniture and.. let’s just say it wasn’t quite the type of chair I was looking for ;-D
My fave is the one that says “Ron Jeremy went from a size 9″ to a size 12″. I say, “Well that may be, but his stomach sticks out so far, who can tell?”
You should make some SPAM Speak poetry out of these e-mails and send them to Podcrapular.
I am forever getting e-mails from very concerned individuals that are just interested in helping me get in touch with fuck buddies in my area. Human kindness never ceases to amaze me.
I like the ones where they offer me a million dollars..
Mmmmm, busty.
And, yes. I think some spamspeak is in order…
What the heck is spam speak?
Yes, it’s nice to have so many perfect strangers concerned about our personal welfare. Especially the ones that care so much that they send me extra nice messages like this:
warehouses/5786111111111/Livingstone/Arial/Nickelodeon/unencrypted/to Azerbaijan/documentElement
/capitalists/obligatory/reinforced/Amphitheater/
celebrated/1461/Screensavers/potentials/applicable/explications/accidental/757/
collection/Idiosyncratic/materially/Pharmacology/kwb4bUOG/
employed/organization/emotion/complain/Coleman/Makeover/warranties/
mindless/Melissa/overtaken/Sanders/confronts/Giftbaskets/flavors/
ailleurs/amusing/fateful/imposed/flushed/converts/Rousseau/â?¢Talking/disparate/scooping/stricken/
Isn’t that lovely?
But then I get this wonderful message:
twenties tractor irritaalaysian 2nd grounding Arabia assim Mexico Posts
vertellen mysteriously broke arteries op orphaned en but true -5 krant Fred
Museum PS edhs twin binnenrijden going o hoge-snelheidstreinen is. 36 niet is.
I mean seriously, I had tears in my eyes after reading that one, it’s such a nice feeling to know that people care so damn much!!
You should see all the spam we get at work. I get to clean it out every day. However, I did get an email from Jesus once in there, which I thought was nice of Him. A call would have been better, but I know how busy he is.
I just checked my spam folder for the freshest spam I got and it’s this…
BEWARE OF FAKE PILLS!
Yeah, and I bet those are exactly the kind you sell on your own website, you bastard!!
“cover the puppies, you trampy wenches” LOL Can I quote you on that???
Is it spam if the product/service being promoted is something people in real life would perceive that you need?
Just wondering, because I sure do get a lot of *spam* for breast enhancement
I received this one from two different people; one being none other than Jesus himself:
International Pharmacy? No problem! 562073
(I take a crapload of medications)
I’m always getting LIMITED TIME offers for time-shares. And penis enlargers, too…. I think I need to FIND a penis before I should think about getting it enlarged. Just sayin’.
That’s why I have that annoyed word verification thing. I know it drives everyone crazy but at least I dont get excited about 500 comments only to find out that 499 of them were for dramatic weight loss and penis enlargement.
Wow…. well, at least you get email…
Busty babes at work? Oh sure! Where I work, the “busty babes” are all sporting size 18+ pants, too!
I get lots like this one from “Merle”:
LATINA ghirls pretting a ACNIMALS neck – syexy lpatina hward feucking a ZOVO Blonde wvoman in ekxtreme …
I am most excited by the xcellllentte spelling
If there is one group I would more like to bash into pulp than piss-poor-drivers, it would probably be spammers.
At first I thought it might be nice if the spammers were caned on National television. But then I realized there were probably an innocent secretary or two in there, just trying to make ends meet. So how about instead just a forum where all the spammers are lined up, and we get to throw pies at them? I would prefer cherry, but others may prefer apple or whipped cream. It’s up to you, really.
This would be important legislation, and should be passed immediately, for the health of not only our children, but the pie industry as well.
I got a nasty e-mail from the spammers the other day: “Damn you for having such a large penis that you don’t have to benefit from our services any more!” And I was like, “Damn right, bitches.”
It’s what they do at the end of Podcrapular!