Summer rerun time! This is one of my favorites from last summer.
What they say and what they mean: The Job Boards
Quick learner
Stupid need not apply. We already have the boss’s son in that position.
Highly motivated
We’re going to work you until you drop. Sweatshop labor is better paid.
Coordinate meal orders
Your the yutz who gets to go to Taco Bell. Daily. And Starbucks. Hourly.
Able to work under pressure
Your boss is going to be a meth fueled, screaming, lunatic.
Great attitude
You won’t bitch excessively when we send you to hook up with our dealer. And pick up our dry cleaning afterwards.
You will offer support to all office personnel
We will pass you around like a cheap ho.
Long term possibility
Be our slave and then we might consider it. Eventually.
This is a job where you can learn and grow
We’ll treat you like a freaking moron till we break you down. THINK CULT. Then you’ll be our creature. Bwahahahaha!
“Pay commensurate with experience” = “You would laugh if we actually posted what we’re willing to pay you.”
Proactive
Get all the good ideas you can. They belong to us and you will get none of the credit.
Sooo…you’re saying none of them places really want me??
I was tooling around on the Craigslist boards last night and checked out some of the jobs they had posted. Not only do they not pay, they say “college credit possible”. Are today’s students that desperate for unpaid labor that they’ll work to possibly get nothing in return?
omg
how did you find my boss’ job posting for my position?
It’s a sad, sad state of affairs indeed. Even worse if you’re over 40….
Astounding how those attitudes are in every line of work. Glad I work for me now.
that’s pretty much accurate all around.
Dang. How’dja know???