I’m ralphing.
Not sure what’s up, or even down for that matter.
Blech.
And don’t be telling me none of that “get well soon” or “hang in there” crap cause I’m really, really, REALLY grumpy and will kick your ass…that is when I can actually stand upright again.
You still here? Make yourself useful already! Tell me a joke, a limerick, a funny story, or some celebrity gossip.
Cause I don’t feel good – wahhhhhhhhhhh!
Thursday update: All better now!
AWWWW..feel better!! So you know that I watched TAMMY FAYE on LARRY KING and then she died two days later? I was so sad about this news yesterday. I didn’t really know the woman too much except for her blue eyeshadow and lashes but still it’s sad when someone dies of cancer. This was not a joke btw.
Here’s some celebrity gossip Lindsay Lohan, who just got out of rehab was arrested again in Santa Monica early today on suspicion of drunken driving and possession of cocaine!”
Not a joke but sure is funny!
Apparently that idiot FedEx wants full custody of the kids from Brit Brit. I am sorry but it seems that if those folks were not a celebrity couple that child welfare would have stepped in by now.
I got no good gossip for you, since I don’t really keep track of it. You need to go on the BRAT diet. Look it up. If you want to laugh your ass off, then go to Lois Lane’s blog and read about the tick on her husband’s dick. You’ll totally forget about ralphing.
So a rabbi, priest, and homeless man go into a strip club…
A blind man stumbled into a tuna factory and asked if they had any blondes available.
Don’t puke on your bed. For some reason, that always made me feel worse. I think it was because I knew I was going to have to change my own damn sheets.
Ok, so I went to the Patent Office to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, “A folding bottle.”
She said, “Okay, what do you call it?”
“A Fottle,” I answered proudly.
She she asks, “What else do you have?”
“A folding carton.”
“What do you call it?”
“A Farton.”
She snickered and said, “Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude.”
I was so upset I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket. !!!
Feel Better! (and I’m not worried; I can run faster scared than you can run sick!)
Sorry you’re feeling bad cookie! I’m sure Ally will comfort you
Oh and here’s a joke for you:
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who…
1) would treat her nicely
2) wouldn’t run away from her
3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn’t have any arms or legs.
“I’m here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can’t beat you, and I have no legs so I can’t run away from you.”
“Yes, but are you good in bed?”
“How do you think I rang the doorbell?”
well, did you read the post about Brody’s tick? that’s pretty gross. won’t make you feel better, but it just might gross you out.
My new landlord is named Mr. Booty.
If you can’t laugh at that, then you really ARE sick.
I hope you… on damn!
I actually thought up a joke the other day, but did I write it down? Noooo!
I know, that’s not funny or uplifting or anything, but I wanted to share the fact that I’ve got nothing to share! :/
Q: What did the corn chip say to the battery?
A: “If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito-Lay.”
Ba-DUM-bum.
Feel better, Hon!
*bending over to allow easy access to ass to have it kicked*
You people are funny
A little girl was in chuch with her Mom when she started to feel ill.
“Mommy”, she said, “can we leave now?”
“No”, her Mother replied.
“Well, I think I have to throw up!”
“Then go out the back door and around the back of the Church and throw up in the bushes”
After about 60 seconds the little girl came back.
“Did you throw up?” her Mom asked.
“Yes”
“How could you have gone all the way around to the back of the Church and come back so quickly?”
“I didn’t have to leave the Church Mommy, they have a box right by the front door that says ‘for the sick’”.
I saw NKOTB alum Joey MacIntire yesterday in Yaletown and his pants were pretty much hiked up to his armpits
you laughing at that mental image or what??
I feel that way too if it’s any consolation, but it’s for self-induced reasons. Thanks for the birthday wishes!
Ummmm Maybe you are pregnant?
Laughing yet?
@ Genuine: No and No.
Brangelina may be splitting… but I doubt it.
Hugs!!!
I hope that Brangelina don’t split up. They’re truly beautiful people, and deserve to be happy.
Aren’t you glad you don’t smoke? And… I hope that you feel better. =+)
I have a story. As a tot ,my parents would take me along to the shopping center.I would pretend to “get lost” so that I could be taken back to the cool Office where the phone callls came into the switchboard. They would place two telephone books and sit me on a chair with a non-working headset on so I could “pretend” to answer phone calls. Then came the page that ended this career.”Attention shoppers! We have a little lost boy named Michael. He has black hair and his mother is wearing a gray coat with large buttons that look like coffee with clouds in the center (I WAS SO DESCRIPTIVE)”. My Mother had the entire store looking at her like she was on John Walsh’s “America’s Most Wanted”. She recalls, “That was it. We had to leave you at home because you wouldn’t stop!” ROCK AND ROLL, LISA!
brat diet my friend
bananas
rice (plain)
applesauce
toast
flat coke
it will stay down
(hugs)
Well … hang in soon then … and you can’t kick my ass cause your there and I’m down here … and yeah I know you know where to find me. If ya gots to ralph, then ralph with grace and aplomb!
!
Now I’ll go back and catch up with your adventures.
Awwww, that sucks.
I was feeling icky the other day – I think it was the heat. I hope you feel better soon!
if you haven’t visited my blog in the last day, come visit and watch the video. if it doesn’t make you nearly pee your pants, there’s something seriously wrong with you!!!
Get your ass outta bed and brush your teeth and hair. Go get a big Whopper from BK. That’ll be sure to cure you.
Hope you’re feelin’ somewhat better Lisa