RANT ALERT!
Enter at your own risk.
Cause I am seriously pissed.
I’ve been attacked by the SHOULD people. Who in my opinion all need a good, old fashioned, Texas style, ass whupping.
A neighbor asked me about my workout regime. I told him. His response?
“You know 30 minutes of cardio really doesn’t do anything. You should be doing at least 45 minutes to get your heart rate up and actually burn any calories. What you’re doing is o.k. but you should be doing more.”
What I wished I had said:
“F*ck you, Mr. Sanctimonious Twit. I’m proud that I’m taking such good care of myself by working out religiously 5 days a week. I do cardio and weights, and all this with a sketchy knee. Plus I constantly up the speed and levels when it starts getting too easy. And frankly Miss Thang, you could stand a few more days at the gym yourself.”
A fellow dog owner asked me how often I walked the pup. I told her.
“You really shouldn’t spoil her like that. I see you guys outside all the time. Twice a day is more than enough. Dogs don’t need more than that.”
What I wished I had said:
“Your poor dog is always desperate to go whenever I see him. And what I do with MY dog is my business. If I choose to take her out 20 times a day then that is my choice. So why don’t you go take a flying leap off the George Washington Bridge (upper level).”
Walking around Canal Street, a vendor tugged on my arm while haranguing me:
“You should come in here! I’ve got the best stuff ever! All counterfeit Coach and Prada! You need to come in, Lady, NOW!
What I wished I said:
“Get your hand off my arm NOW. The only thing I need to do is pay taxes and die. I am the customer, you are the vendor, and I wouldn’t buy your cheap crap if you were the last store in New York. Get your f*cking hand off my arm before I backhand you to Cleveland.”
And to all the lovely SHOULD people, here’s a little something special just for you.
That was funny! If you have kids, the SHOULD people come out in droves…. BTW – I do 30 minutes of cardio 5 times a week too!! (plus weights 3 times a week)… it works for me.. (and you’ve SEEN the kind of stuff I eat !!!!!!!)
They all deserved to be flipped off at the very least.
Isn’t it always that way? Not saying anything and wishing that we would have? Just take pleasure in the fact that it would have been wasted breath on people that are too stupid to get it in the first place.
“LisaB vs The Should People: Part I:”
The Should People gather in a large group, their fingers pointing, their tongues clicking and tsking. Some have arms folded, others are in full hands-on-hips judgement mode.
LIsaB crouches deeply and twists down her body like a discus thrower. Suddenly, she extends her hand and unleashes her full might, slapping the entire group with a delightful smack and sending them scattering into the air like useless ragdolls.
- End
@ Janet: Thanks! And I bet on the kid thing.
I’m delighted to know we share a workout schedule
@ Dagny: I completely agree.
@ Se7: You are sooo right!
@ Jarod: I LOVE it!!! LMAO!!!
Wait, there’s a Part II?
I have to learn to say, “I’ll take that into consideration” and cultivate the pleasantly bland smile, because I am extremely apt to say, “Bitch, if your fat ass is telling me I should eat more kelp, I’ll just have the cheeseburger.” I’m mean like that.
I would go with the totally sarcastic at this point. For example:
You SHOULD do 45 minutes of cardio: “Holy shit, I had no idea! And here I thought my fabulous body was due to my workout! It must be that I just have great genes! I’ll stop working out all together now since it’s obvious my regime isn’t doing me any good.”
You SHOULD walk you dog less: “Oh thank God you told me that! I was worried that all that exercise and time spent with my pooch would reduce my stress levels. Thank you so much from saving me and my dog from a longer, happier life.”
But that’s just me.
I admire your restraint, dear…. plus a TX style ass whupping is hard work! I’m proud of you for your accomplishments and no one has the right to take that away from you.
you just keep on spoiling the sweet pup! that lady sounds like Satan! like it’s any of her damned business!
for starters tell the cardio nazi to go F-himself, your doing more cardio per day than 99 percent of americans anyway! secondly dogs could be walked a thousand times a day if need be and lastly…go explain to the canal street bitches that GOACH and PRADIA are not actual brands.
You should really give all of those people a piece of your mind.
Sorry. =+)
Oooooh! I love how you Texans talk.
I think you look great from even this far away and Ally should relieve herself in front of that ladies door and the vendor? You didn’t go in, that’s the best backhand of all.
It’s good to see you all feisty.
Miz Lisa, looks like you need to make a trip out to California again to um, like, mellow out, do a little yoga, meditate and readjust your chakras. Peace, love and understanding, sister …
Everyone’s an expert, when it comes to other people. These same folks wouldn’t listen to advice from anyone else, though!
I hate those fuckers. Give ‘em hell.
Your post reinforces the fact that unsolicited advice is never appreciated.
I hope they, at least, meant well…
Bravo.
Well, dear, I think the only appropriate response to fools like that is to say, “Why, thank you! That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me!”
If you respond to them at all, that is.
the “should people” they SHOULD get a life!
and I”m sorry, but twice a day walks only? that’s abuse and that dog SHOULD be taken away and placed in a better home
good to have you back, love
You should have laid the smackdown on their candy asses, darlin’! Or at least fed them their own spleens, raw, no salt.
How annoying! I have to admit I used to say SHOULD a lot until I noticed how much I hated it when someone would tell me what I SHOULD or SHOULDN’T do. So I changed my evil ways!
You should blog more about stuff that pisses you off. Seriously. Those people need their sh*t pulled to the curb. I think you’re JUST the person to do it.
@ Cootera: I’m not sure if I should be offended or flattered
And he still managed to stay alive? Not on my watch!
Isn’t the finger just the best? Sometimes only a well flipped bird will do.
I should have read this sooner.
Sorry I’m so late getting here. Love your rant. I truly do!
YES! I hate when people get all sanctimonious and share their “know it all” crap! And I flip the bird at least daily, girl! (sometimes when I’m all alone, too, just because it’s a great way to vent!)
Well dang it– you shoulda just went on and said those things! ;-D
Seriously though, I do the same thing. I’m currently stewing over things I wish I’d of said to someone recently. Unfortunately for me, the bi-otch I’m pissed at is built like a Clydesdale, so maybe I should just let my Kewpie Doll speak for me instead…
P.S. I love your mouse story!
I walk my dogs twice just in the morning and three times at night. Twice a day my ass.