Yesterday I went to the gym to unkink some sore muscles. I know that makes no sense but somehow it works. Anyway, I was on the stationary bike peddling away when a woman sat down on the bike next to me. I took a deep breath, (breathe in, breathe out,) and immediately got a mouthful of cheap perfume. I choked then stared at the woman beside me. She was blissfully ignorant of my death glare. And I was subsequently mesmerized by how incredibly awful she looked.
Picture this:
Mid to late 60’s, (and I’m being extremely charitable)
Not blessed with good looks even when dinosours walked the earth in her day
Clown red hair in a frizzy perm
Face pulled so tight by a bad face lift that her eyes were popping out of her head
Overplucked eyebrows that were two thin lines
Over-Botoxed forehead
Nauseatingly sweet perfume that she must have bathed in
And she was wearing a skin tight sweatsuit which showed every last fold of fat.
She thought she was all that. Seriously. I watched her preening in the mirror and smiling delightedly. Meanwhile I inhaled her crappy perfume with every single breath. That stuff shouldn’t be allowed in a gym!
Blessedly I only had a few minutes left on the bike. I stood up and took one last look. She was beaming at herself in the mirror.
Well at least someone was happy.
Clown red hair in a frizzy perm = major turn on.
Did you get her phone number for me?
Even evil clowns need love. Perhaps with the wild frizzy red hair she would make a perfect match.
I guess ignorance really is bliss.
Eww! I’m picturing Carrot Top in drag here- ?
I agree, perfumes should not be worn in the gym. Or in close settings like church or airplanes. Some people could just gag a Moose!
Hilarious! Maybe she lives next to a Turkey Farm….
Some people just don’t get it. However, at least she doesn’t have any image problems. Ego problems, perhaps, but not image.
I hate gyms–I had really bad experiences with them especially in California.
I bought a Tony Little Gazelle and just exercise in my house.
It is going really well–in a couple weeks I should be down to “morbidly obese” on the Body Mass Index.
(I am currently at, “Don’t Sunbathe Next to Eskimos!” on the Body Mass Index.)
And you didn’t ask her to dance? Where’d the scruples come from? Tee and a hee.
I never know whether to be repulsed by this sort of person or jealous of their ability to own their vileness. It’s like the unibrowed woman picking her wedgie in the Planters Cashew commercial.
Ughh! That is the worst! Somebody (meaning you…hehe!) needs to write “10 Rules of Etiquette When at the Gym”. Can I put in a vote for don’t pass gas in a spin class! Being stuck on the bike behind this woman was a serious health concern for me–I thought I was going to pass out from holding my breath. SO. COMPLETELY. DISGUSTING.
That is quite the visual you have painted. So are we talking more rolls than a bakery? I try to go to the gym when its quiet so I don’t have to smell anyone or look at anyone who is a size 0.
LOL, when i saw the title “sniff that” and started reading the post I thought it was going somewhere else, but this is even funnier!
Now I’ll have to go in for a brainwash to remove the visuals you’ve painted…
Some people just don’t get that there are things no one needs to see. Like Man-Faye.
Hmmm. I like that she obviously didn’t really give a flying… Well, you know. And besides, she was at the gym. Obviously she wants to get rid of the rolls. Now I understand how some of my friends who want to lose weight and know that they need to exercise avoid gyms like the plague.
Well, you know… at least this way someone likes her… I mean… it’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it… even if it is herself.. LOL
That stuff IS banned from my gym and it’s only the YMCA. But as you said, at least SHE’s happy.
Oh. Lisa: It’s still early morning here and I’m “Bwahahaing” at your post on my first cup of coffee, so you know it’s funny to those of us who weren’t there? Can I assume it wasn’t Channel No. 5 perfume?
)
Yes and these kind of people get naked and all! BLECK!
Hey! Don’t talk about my mom like that!!
Seriously, this is awful. I’ve faced similar things with older dudes at the gym who dress too skimpy, put on too much cologne, and lift too fast, I just wait til they see me and I shake my head slowly. I doubt they get the message.
mmm perfume, sweat and overly plucked eyebrows…sounds like the woman i would like to be…
Aside from the too-much perfume, I say MORE POWER TO THAT WOMAN! Hell, to look like total crap and still feel good about yourself is a damn fine thing. Any, hey, maybe her eyes aren’t too good!!
on one hand: good for her!
on the other: YUCK!!!
question: why is your gym not a “scent free zone”?? the one I go to has hugely strict rules in that regard
good grief, some people’s kids… LOL how awful for you to endure. I gotta give you props for even making it to the gym! You go!!! {hugs}
There’s a woman like that at my gym. Except instead of a sweatsuit she wears bike shorts. Tight, cotton, bike shorts. Need I describe what happens to cotton when it gets wet with sweat?
Are you happy that I shared that visual?
I’m sure I ran into this lady in an elevator not too long ago. Don’t you find it amazing that many places don’t allow dogs into their building, but they’ll let people in with stinky perfume? What’s that about? Missing you, girlfriend. We need a hangout soon.
xo