I noticed something funny recently.
We’ve all had our share of fair-weather friends who disappear at the first hint that you might be in trouble. Which completely stinks, by the way. I just hadn’t realized that there are also foul-weather friends as well. What I mean is people who are there for you when your life is falling apart, but subsequently go into hiding when things starts to go well again.
I’m talking about people who can’t be happy for you. Or in this case for me. It’s amazing how many of them are out there. Who knew?
When you get involved with a new person, especially after a long dry spell, people are very supportive. You hear things like “Go for it!” and “I’m so happy for you!” and “You deserve it!” Most people mean it, a few folks say it to appear nice, and some individuals wish you would simply shut up already. I’m very grateful for those who genuinely care. As for those other people? They tend to piss me off.
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I know what you mean.
When Sam and I got together people were happy but the next thing I knew it was just him and I. No one was hanging around or available anymore. Maybe it was me who wasn’t available but I don’t think so.
It’s the same here in the ’sphere. There is that core group who are always here (and I love them all) but most just like drama and upheaval. SInce Sam and I split last week my site meter has been off the charts. I guess it really is true that misery loves company.
It does suck. I am afraid I have occasionally been that bad person.
Well, although you’ve never laid eyes on my bad ugly self, I grin ear to ear for you now that you have HCFG. I grinned with you before because you seem to have a fun career life (whatever it is you do
and many many shoes. But mainly because I have a good feeling about people and you are a good peep and I likee you. ;p
{Some} people are just fickle, LisaB. They want us to be there for them in their need, but don’t want to reciprocate that quality of friendship. Others are controlled by jealousy and mainly by plain old selfishness. Blog world is no different. I spent many hours chatting on line w/those I thought were my friend (often they IM’d me first btw) and I listened to them gripe about their aches, pains, jobs, and even marital problems. Then I got sick last year, had those surgeries and they never acknowleded my blog posts about it or have even IM’d me since! And yep, I felt the same sting as you during my single years and also with musicians when I was still singing. I can’t remember how many musician friends I cheered on and then they snobbed me when I had a nice show or made a paper somewhere.
Just show those bums that fickle finger of fate as they sashe’ away. That’s what I do ;-D
(((Hugs)))
I used to know someone like that. I got her out of my life quickly.
The solution is to just tell your “misery friends” that you are unhappy even though you’re not.This way they’ll come round again.
Too much to say here, so I sent you an email! Big hugs to you both.
Real friends would be supportive no matter what. I know that’s not always the case. Certainly you should take some time to be with your single friends. One of the things couples ABSOLUTELY need is “me” time. Much as I love my wife, there are times I need to be away from her. She doesn’t really get my band friends. Likes them, but when we get together, we’re in our own little world of which she’s not a part. Not so fun for her.
So don’t forget your “me” time and spend it with those that matter. And enjoy the “us” time as well.
I’m also very happy for you that you’ve found someone you enjoy spending your time with.
People like that don’t deserve your time or energy… Just ignore those…
I think you’re right. I know a few people who love to rally to the aid of people having trouble even if they don’t particularly like them. They get off on it somehow. And then they disappear. It’s just their own weird compulsion. I don’t get it but it takes all kinds, I guess.
I agree Lisa but In all fairness, I find too that there are people who are there when they need you and once they get back on their feet and no longer need you…disappear.
I know what you mean, for sure. I try to cut those foul-weather friends a break, though, as some of them see their place in life is to be there for those in need. I noticed that one friend of mine possessed a keen talent for helping people out, then quietly bowing out and moving on. She did it to me and it irked me. But when I noticed that she had a trend in that direction, I thought maybe it was her life’s work, sort of spreading the warmth. I don’t mind it so much now.
ahh yes, I do know of these friends as well..they are all over the place, at your work, at your parties..who are these people who only enjoy you when your life is terrible..i have a girlfriend like that who i had to cut out of my life for that very reason…
I’m only mad cause you all didn’t take me apple picking.
That, and I was in hiding for the crappy comment I made a while back. Admittedly, after I begged you, you did toss it.
Vince said it right — real friends are with you, thick and thin.
Of course, sometimes even they have “feelings” when you’re in a good space and they’re not and vice versa. But if we love them, and they us, we all embrace the good with the bad.
Still, they shouldn’t dress better than we do, doncha think?
Usually, I’m one of the first commenters, because I get a heads-up that Lisa is about to post a story. The advance look is one of the (many) perks for being Lisa’s HCFG. Sometimes, however, I get e-mails saying, “I put a post up over 8 minutes and 15 seconds ago and I don’t see a comment from you. Don’t you like it?” Carrot and stick… (Just kidding, Doll!)
But I have waited to post something about this, since I could be seen by some as the catalyst for some of Lisa’s friendships becoming more distant. So I’ve been treading lightly.
I liked Nat’s view, that some people are really genuine and comfortable in their desire to help others (perhaps subconsciously), and sort of gravitate towards other friends who need “help” more as lives turn upwards. It was interesting to see that my own knee-jerk reaction to the idea of this post leaned more towards the “you’re just jealous because I’m happy” view.
Incidentally, because I’m sensitive about the possibility that I might disturb existing friendships, I have frequently encouraged Lisa to get together with single friends as often as she wants. I can always find a complicated finance book to enjoy while she’s out painting the town red.
There’s a great quote that frequently comes up in sci-fi writer Spider Robinson’s short stories: “Shared pain is lessened, shared joy increased.” It’d be nice to see those people who did stick by one’s side collect their just reward.
How could someone not be happy for you seeing how you glow thru the computer screen (and it’s totally obvious in the comments HCFG leaves how much you matter to him)??… I mean, really. The people I had like that in my life aren’t anymore. I got sick of their drama and decided I didn’t need them around. Makes things so much easier!
HCFG: “I can always find a complicated finance book to enjoy while she’s out painting the town red”…
OH wow… I first read it as fiancé and wondered, “what is a fiancé book?” lol
hmmmm
Perhaps it is only a case of misery loves company but happiness breeds contempt. That or people just don’t want to play up how great he is only to eat their words if you dump him.
I am happy for you but I don’t want to doom it by overplaying it. Just a little knock on wood kinda thing.
Unfortunately I know all too well the kind of “friend” you are speaking of. I guess it’s true when they say misery loves company. Good fortune? Not so much.:(
HCFG, I can see why Lisa likes you so much!
Agreed. I have also been frustrated with foul-weather friends. I hope I’m not being hypocritical in saying that ….
I just left a comment on the full article about how I tend to be in the opposite boat.
is it just miserable people that fall into this category, or does it just seem that way? I really think its not you — they just can’t be happy about anything.