What do you think of that?”

Long pause.

Hot Cute Fun Guy: “Amateurs.”

Back in my grammar school days, my best friend’s mother used to read romance novels. Everything from Harlequin novels, to what they used to call “bodice rippers.”

All the men on the book covers looked like Fabio.

This was the era before Fabio, so either he found his niche or it found him. The men always showed their presumably heaving bare chests.

My friend and I of course stole borrowed the books. We were quite young and this was our introduction to sex. Heaven help us!

One book I still remember was called “Love’s Tender Fury.” Lawdy, lawdy! That book was HOT!!! My friend and I still joke today about one particular line:

“His throbbing manhood.”

Apparently it throbbed a lot because that description was used constantly. Quite the tumescent character our hero was! So essentially this guy was walking around with a perpetual boner. I always thought it was funny that they described it like it was a separate person.

“There he was in all his glory, him and his throbbing manhood.”

Like it was a sock puppet or something.

Of course all this was happening in between wooing the reluctant woman and fighting off the bad guys for her virtue. Because he really loved her despite the fact: he bought at her at a slave auction/won her in a poker game/saved her from a pirate abduction. Or something like that. She was of course an unsullied woman who never knew the joys of sex until she met her man.

True love! Swoon…

As for the lusty wench, the hero, and his throbbing manhood?

They all lived happily ever after…

Walt Disney must be doing backflips in his grave.

Playing Hooky From Work:

Love this one. Not so profitable but I love it all the same. The best is walking around Central Park watching the world go by. Even better than that is sitting on a bench eating a Dove bar. Heaven.

Icy Alcoholic Drinks:

Pass the Absolut Vodka with Newman’s Own Lemonade please. And can you make it a double? My summer cooling off drink. What a nice way to enjoy the sultry nights in a semi buzzed state. I don’t drink much the rest of the year but for some reason this really floats my boat.

Casinos:

Mohegan Sun anyone? Or how about a quickie trip to Atlantic City? OK, maybe AC after this is over with. Anyway, I go just often enough that the casinos send me free room vouchers. Last time I won so they all want me back. *Smirks*

Outlet Malls:

A dangerous hobby even though I go to “save” money. Yea right. I find all sorts of things I never knew I needed. Maybe I should keep my shopping in New York. Cause heaven knows there is nothing good to buy in the city. Sigh. If only.

Summer Beach Reads:

A perennial favorite. I have no desire to read “literature” in the summer. Bring on the lite reading! I’m totally addicted to these books right now.

Your turn!

The next morning I went to wash the dishes and saw a spider in the sink. I was startled as was he. FYI, I don’t like spiders, bugs or other creepy crawlies. They give me the heebie jeebies. Anyway, the spider and I looked at each other and neither of us were willing to budge. I didn’t want to drown him in hot water so I finally walked away and figured he would be gone by evening. That night I went to clean up and he was still there. The scenario went on for another day and finally I didn’t see him. I started washing the dishes and was elbow deep in soap suds when I saw him frantically trying to run to the other side of the sink, (He had been hiding under a plate.) I did my best to keep the warm, soapy water away from him but he still got splashed a bit. I felt terrible. I didn’t know why the spider was worrying me so much but he was. Maybe my childhood fondness for “Charlotte’s Web?” I wasn’t sure but I did know that the spider couldn’t walk very far. I finished washing up while he stood quietly in the corner and watched me. The next morning I was leaving and had to wash the coffee pot. There again was my friend Mr. Spider. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t want to hurt him. I finally got an envelope and very carefully put it under him. He was scared. Me too. I lifted him up and put him next to a bunch of plants in the corner. I didn’t really have much choice as he was about to jump and I didn’t want him to fall to his death.

I’m still thinking about about that spider…