We had to be extra-careful not to forget anything, since we’d be gone for 10 days. Surprisingly, the packing list included even more cold-weather gear than we usually needed in New York. The Pacific Northwest was still reeling from a snowstorm (their worst in 20 years) that had hit five days before. They weren’t equipped to deal with digging out from snow and ice – the county where HCFG’s parents live had only a handful of plow trucks. Although the Seattle airport itself was (barely) open, the roads everywhere were a complete mess.

Anyway, after about two hours of sleep (the car service picked us at 4:00 a.m.) we arrived bleary-eyed at La Guardia, cautiously optimistic that all was well. We were concerned, however, since it had snowed again the night before in Seattle, and because our former nonstop flight had changed into one with a connection through Cleveland.

We boarded the plane and sat on the runway. And sat some more. It ended up being two hours before we took off. HCFG remained relaxed while I sat there with smoke pouring out my ears. Keep in mind we had 55 minutes to make our connection. Cleveland Airport was apparently closed due to fog. I was freaking out, but HCFG stayed calm. He reassured me that the plane we were going to change to would probably be delayed getting into Cleveland by the very same fog, so it wouldn’t leave without us. Not content to leave well enough alone, he then lectured me about how much money the airlines lose when they strand people. You can just imagine how much I loved that conversation. I tapped my foot, gritted my teeth, and became even more stressed. HCFG went to sleep. Men!

Our plane finally took off for Cleveland and it was a smooth flight. The flight attendants couldn’t give us any information about our connection though so we had to ask when we deplaned. The perky agent said our connecting flight was leaving in 10 minutes. We were at Gate 5, our flight was at Gate 22. I thrust my very heavy carry-on bag at HCFG.

Lisa: “I’m going to run for it and see if we can make it. You gonna be ok?”

HCFG: “Go! I’ll be right behind you.”

I ran like OJ Simpson minus the bloody glove through the Cleveland airport. I was wearing a very heavy wool sweater, jeans and snow boots, so even without the carry-ons, I was still pretty out of breath as I reached the area. I got very near the gate and saw they were about to shut the doors.

My adrenaline was going like crazy, I felt like my heart is going to pound out of my chest.

Lisa: “Wait, please, we’re booked on that plane! Don’t leave! We’re here!

I ran up to the agent waving my boarding pass.

Flight Agent says reassuringly: “Don’t worry, you just made it. Is there someone else with you?”

Lisa: “My boyfriend is right behind me. His name is…”

HCFG: “I’m here!” He is weighed down with our carry-on bags, his computer and his heavy down coat.

Flight Agent: “You folks just made it. The pilot held the flight as long as he could waiting for all the connections. We’ve been on the ground for 50 minutes. Most of the other people aren’t going to make it. We are missing over 45 passengers.”

Lisa: “OMG, thank you so much!”

Flight Agent smiled at us both. “You two are lucky; we have to leave in about two minutes.”

We boarded the plane and collapsed in our seats. Only 3 other people got on behind us. Keep in mind about 40 people missed their connection. On Christmas Eve. The good news (for us anyway) is that we got to stretch out with an extra seat between us.

HCFG said smugly, “I told you we’d make it. See you were all worried for nothing.”

Lisa: “Oh please, you were as worried as I was. If either of us stopped for a minute to go to the bathroom like we wanted, we would have been stuck in Cleveland for Christmas.”

HCFG: “Nope, I knew it would all be fine.”

Luckily for HCFG I was too wiped out to tear him limb from limb but I certainly wanted to!

The rest of the flight was smooth and painless. We even made up the time we lost.

Stay tuned for Part 3, meeting the parents after a trip from hell with very little sleep.

(This post originally appeared on Kizmeet)

Grunts emanate from the enormous tangle of covers on the bed.

“We promised to cook breakfast for our New Year’s Day celebration. You really need to get up now, o.k.?”

More grunts, but the pile of bedding begins to stir.

“Why did we offer to do this?” HCFG mumbles in a tired, put-upon tone.

“We were being good guests, remember?”

“Oh, right. Next time we’ll know better.”

I rolled my eyes for show but I quietly agreed with him.

HCFG reluctantly got out of bed. He groaned horrifically all the while giving me dirty looks. But he soldiered on and left the room. HCFG then paid it forward and went to wake up his son, CFT (aka Cute Fun Teenager). Our exhausted little team went to work while HCFG’s parents watched the Rose Parade and enjoyed their coffee.

HCFG is a fabulous brunch chef. First, he made scrambled eggs with two types of cheese for garnish. He then grilled tomatoes English style, while simultaneously making crispy bacon. I mixed up a batch of cornbread while CFT grated cheese, set the table, and generally made himself useful. The piece de resistance (i.e. dessert) we didn’t actually make. His parents had told us about an amazing Norwegian bakery in the next town. We bought cinnamon sticky buns which made your mouth water just looking at them. Carbohydrate-sugary-cinnamon goodness! Anyway, the whole meal was divine and HCFG’s parents loved it, which made it all worthwhile.

The rest of the day was spent in a relaxed lazy heap. We watched football, read, and were generally too lazy to move off our respective couches, armchairs or pile of pillows. Just the way New Year’s Day should be! Even better, no hangover remedies were required.

Happy New Year, Everyone. Hope 2009 is the best year ever for you and yours!

(This post originally appeared on Kizmeet)

“Babe, look at that.”

“That is so beautiful.”

“It’s absolutely magical, I feel like it was created just for us.”

Several hours earlier…

My building is endowed with an over-efficient boiler. It’s only a few years old and really does its job. Translation? My building is always hot. Africa hot. We all complain about it, and there is absolutely nothing that can be done except turn the whole damn thing off. Which would be fine for my ilk, but all the little old ladies living here would have a fit. Trust me on that one. My radiators have been closed since I’ve lived here. Despite that, there is still a lot of heat rising from the floors below me, and my windows are always open in the winter. Ally da Pup sleeps next to the fan to cool off. HCFG who is warm-blooded (yummy!) has been known to ask that the air conditioning be turned on when it’s 30 degrees outside.

Tonight was another one of those nights. HCFG requested the air conditioner but I resisted. He opened the bedroom window instead. My apartment faces another building and everything was dark. We were half asleep when some lights came on.

My neighbor had turned on the lights on her Christmas tree. And there were no other lights anywhere. Her small tree was lined up just perfectly, to shine through her window and into ours, so it lit up our room like a magical fairy tale.

It was absolutely enchanting. What a gift to realize that such a small thing could bring so much pleasure.

Hope your holidays are just as special and bright!

Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Kwanzaa greetings from Lisa B., HCFG, and Ally da Pup.

(This post originally appeared on Kizmeet)

That particular airline has a deal where you can request your travel companion gets upgraded when you do. It’s an all-or-nothing situation, either both of you get upgraded or neither of you do. HCFG told me about this, and then casually mentioned he had asked for us both to be bumped up to First Class on the ride back. I was thrilled!

You can guess what happened next…

He got upgraded and I didn’t.

The *#&^% Bastids!

HCFG received a “congratulations you have been upgraded” text message. Given his suspicious nature, he immediately called the airline and reminded them of his prior request. They said sorry but only he received the upgrade. Adding insult to injury, they added not only could they not upgrade me, but they couldn’t even give him his original seat back as it had already given away to one of the 85 people, (no exaggeration) traveling standby.

I was pissed that we weren’t going to be sitting together. HCFG felt terrible. Being the gracious guy that he is, he offered me his First Class seat. I have to admit I considered it. For a minute anyway, (a very long minute) those free drinks and extra legroom were really tempting! And then I remembered how HCFG spent a large part of the weekend helping my Mother set up her new computer. He transferred all her software, installed programs, showed her shortcuts, and debugged problems.

Sigh.

I bit the bullet and graciously sent him up front to the good seats. I even smiled at him when he brought me his warm nuts from First Class. I decided not to make a fuss because there was nothing we could do about it. Besides I scored MAJOR girlfriend brownie points.

And the best part of all? He’s gonna owe me big for this. For a long time. A VERY long time…

(This post originally appeared on Kizmeet)

Me too.

Happy Holidays, my backside

Click here to continue

Two years ago I dressed as a trampy tavern wench, and marched in the West Village parade with Deni and her dog, Rosie.

Last year I trick or treated with my neighbors and their dogs. The dogs were in costume, respectively Dracula, Darth Vader, and Easy Rider, (complete with sunglasses.) My friends and I were all in street clothes. I absolutely refused to dress Ally da Pup in costume, she would have died of shame. Ally must retain her street cred after all!

I had fun both times, they were wonderfully silly and surreal nights. As Halloween should be!

Now I need your help! Please make suggestions on what costumes HCFG and I should wear this year. We will be wearing the costumes twice as we’re going to the parade again, (no marching this year!) We’re also invited to a Halloween party the night before that.

I can’t wait to hear your ideas, so let ‘em rip, guys and ghouls!

Lisa: “I don’t want to get my bloodwork done today. It’s the Friday before a holiday, and all the good phlebotomists will be off duty and they will probably have icky doctors with pick axes puncturing my arm.”

Hot Cute Fun Guy: (mock sympathy) “Oh poor you! It’s just going to be horrible! Especially since all the good phlebotomists are probably running amok in the Hamptons about now. In fact the lab is going to be so awful that I bet there will be a lobotomist instead of a phlebotomist.”

Lisa: (begins to laugh in spite of herself) “Oh shut up.”

HCFG: (smirks and gives Lisa a big hug) “Ruined a perfectly good pout by making you laugh didn’t I?”

Lisa: “Harumph.”

And once again, I bow in shame to my choices. I mean they are seriously goofy somewhat lame but at least they get me moving!

Without further ado… my recent downloads:

“It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp”
“9 to 5″
“Smooth”
“Copacabana”
“Heartache Tonight”
“Living La Vida Loca”
“Money for Nothing”
“Dancing in the Dark”
“Bad, Bad Leroy Brown”
“I Am Woman”

And the one I’m most embarassed about…

“I’m Too Sexy”

OK, now I want to hear about your songs – good and bad!

Fess up.

Gawd, I’ve been eating them nonstop for weeks. First I had the bright idea to bake sweets for the holidays. I wanted to include them with my holiday tips. I always think they are a nice little extra treat. So naturally I had to taste each batch, right? I mean I needed to make sure they all tasted delicious. It was my obligation! OY. I had to go to the gym every damn day to make up for that particular pleasure.

Anyway, my friend and I baked:

Spritz Cookies – butter cookies that we put in a cookie press and made into all kinds of fun shapes i.e. wreaths, christmas trees, and stars. Then we decorated them with assorted sprinkles. Very festive and tasty!

Symphony Brownies – incredibly rich, dark chocolate brownies. I’m not a choc-aholic but everyone LOVED them.

Spiced Pecans – Pecans that tasted of cinnamon, sugar, nutmeg, and all types of spices. So yummy!

I have given them all almost away and everyone adored them. Funny how much people love a homemade treat. Actually I’m not surprised, I think they taste much better than “store bought” cookies. Naturally I’m prejudiced on this subject.

Anyway, I’m all done baking. Enough! I’m tired of cleaning the kitchen, and numerous bowls, measuring cups, and cookie sheets. I quit!

NO MORE COOKIES!!!

Well at least not until 2008…