When you have purchased almost all of your holiday gifts before Labor Day.

And I don’t know about you, but that never ever happens at my end.

Until now!

It’s a wee bit scary, actually. Can my inner ugh Martha Stewart be far behind?

*shudders*

“What the hell?”

RING! RING!

“It’s 4:00 in the freaking morning, why is my alarm going off? OHHHHH. Black Friday. Crap.”

And so it began…

We arrived at Wal-Mart at 4:45 a.m.. Yes you read that time correctly. Yes we are nuts. Your point? Anyway, the sale began at 5:00 a.m.. It was a 24 hour store so we were able to wait inside. Mom had looked at the ads the day before and decided she wanted a portable GPS. Garmin had a good one going for a great price. We had never shopped at Wal-Mart on Black Friday before but had heard how crazy it gets. We were a bit nervous.

We went to the electronics department and couldn’t find the GPS. We were told they would bring it out in a crate and unload at exactly 5:00 a.m.. They didn’t know precisely where in the electronics department it would be but somewhere. How helpful.

Lisa: “Mom, you stand over there, and I’ll stand over here. Between the two of us, one of us will see where they unload.”

Mom: “Good idea.”

I looked away for a minute in my bleary-eyed, coffee-deprived state. When I looked up, I saw Mom power walking down the aisle chasing a big man with a crate. I took off running after her and still couldn’t catch up. People around me were pushing and shoving. When I finally did reach Mom she was beaming as she held on tightly to her GPS. People all around her were snatching inside the crate. The store ran out of them within 2 minutes.

Go Mom.

How much we love having a good manicure and pedicure.

When my cute new sandals reveal my perfectly polished toes, I am officially a goddess. And it feels good!

Being a woman requires regular and ongoing pain:

Think childbirth, bikini waxes, in-laws, and high heeled shoes. Nuff said.

When you call, text, or email to say “I’m thinking about you,” it means the world.

We’re kinda gooey that way.

A bad hair day is grounds for a completely crappy day:

Trust me, it just is.

When we say “I’m fine” in a clipped tone of voice I can guarantee we’re not happy:

I suggest you don’t take that one at face value. You’re in BIG trouble, dude. Start groveling now.

When we have our periods we are not happy campers:

And there is no reasoning with us. Don’t even try. Go away unless you want to be in the line of fire. But don’t forget to call in constantly so we don’t feel ignored.

When we say, “It’s not YOU, it’s ME,” we’re lying:

We’re trying to spare your feelings. The door is that way. Buh bye.

When we ask “How was your day” we really mean it:

Well, sorta.

It’s all about shoes.

What part of that is not clear?

Do not EVER leave The City again. Period.

I decided today would be a great day for a Jersey run. I wanted to go to Costco, Target, and Stop & Shop to pick up some stuff for the holidays. I should have gotten my first clue that it was a busy shopping day when it took me damn tourists an hour to get out of New York. Got to love about as much as I love a root canal crosstown traffic! I finally arrived at Costco and you would have thought they were giving stuff away. The parking lot I think it was in the next county was insane! Anyway, I picked up a few things, salivated over the big screen tv’s, and bought gas. $2.10 thank you very much. And I was thrilled about time those scumbags Big Oil choked at the price!

Next stop, Target. I’m now set with this for life. Not to mention various household sundries. Now on to my last store, Stop & Shop. As I was loading up on 12 packs of diet soda, this really cute teamster told me they had a much better price on drinks at Shoprite. And then he winked hi you gorgeous hunk of man at me. Mrrrowwwww!

I then picked up all sorts of reasonably healthy yummy treats for the holidays. Finally after my shopping cart was completely loaded, I went to check out. Over 8 bags for less than $100.00 dollars. THAT rarely happens in Manhattan! Plus the checkout girl and I discussed how we both separately needed to relax over the holidays. Oh and in case you were wondering, I talk to practically everyone. Sort of a mixed blessing sometime, but definitely a fun thing at Stop & Shop!

I loaded up my trunk and headed back to The City. Apparently I didn’t receive the memo that said all the residents was leaving town today. The traffic was insane, not to mention the nonexistent parking. I eventually found after almost mowing down two obnoxious teenagers a space, unloaded all my own bags because my street was blocked asshats, and collapsed. And then came to share my adventures with all of you. Are you flattered or what?!

The things I do for a bargain. Sheesh.

Updated note to self:

Never leave The City again before a holiday weekend.

*snorts*

Yea, right. That’s so gonna happen.

Oh and did I mention I ate too much over the holidays? News flash, huh. But, but, there were homemade mashed potatoes with butter and stuff, How was I supposed to turn THAT down? I’m guessing one or two of you MIGHT have also indulged. But, the good news is that I lost a pound. Which means I have now lost 21 pounds total. Yay me!

How did you spend your holidays? I can’t wait to hear!

Mom
Ally da Pup
My family
My loyal and amazing friends
Long slow deep wet kisses that last 3 days, (oops wrong post)
Living in NYC
Zabar’s Coffee
Kevin Federline is about to slither back into the obscurity where he belongs
All the holiday movies coming out
A career I love
Good health
Long legs
Sexy shoes
Lots of parties
Black Friday
Blue jeans worn in to just the right softness
A great book on a lazy day
Balthazar
High Tea
Terra Blue Potato Chips
The holiday season in NYC

And, (stay tuned for the predictable sappy moment,) my fellow bloggers and the fun blogging has brought into my life.

To be continued…

So lets hear a few of yours!

I swore it would never happen, and yet somehow they weaseled their way in.

Is this the beginning of something that will never end???

I was always so adamant against them.

But I got lured into their evil web.

I bought this after watching an early morning infomercial.

I know how infomercials are, I have worked on one or two, I should know better. But I still got sucked in.

But, but, I got two free gifts for ordering right away! And I trust Hugh Downs.

Am I alone? Am I the only person picking up the phone or ordering online? Enquiring minds, (ok just me,) wants to know.

Save me now from a lifetime of infomercial purchases!

My name is LisaB… oh heck, never mind. It may be too late.

Friendly Neighbor: “Lisa, look what I just bought!” She showed me some wickedly sexy, elegant, black suede high-heeled boots.

Lisa: “Those are gorgeous!”

As if on cue, three of my other female neighbors walked outside and oohed and ahhed over the boots.

Friendly Neighbor: “I know! REALLY EXPENSIVE ITALIAN SHOE STORE is having an amazing sale! These were fifty dollars! You better get over there fast, everything is going really quickly.”

Lisa: “I’m going to take Ally back upstairs and I’m on my way.”

As I said this, I watched my neighbors walk purposely, (read RUN,) towards the shoe store. I was about 2 minutes behind them.

The store was bedlam. I watched grown women snatching shoes and boots up like there was no tomorrow. Forget sandbox politics, this was a fight to the death. I couldn’t even laugh because I was doing the exact same thing.

I bought 3 pairs of shoes and one pair of suede boots I had been salivating over. Retail price approximately $1000.00.

I paid $95.00. Total.

I called my Mother later and told her about my great bargains. Saying I was jazzed was putting it mildly. Happy dancing around my bedroom was more like it. And my stress? All gone!

Sometimes I think a “grand gesture” is required. Did I need 4 pairs of shoes? Not so much. Did they make me feel better? Absolutely. Not only did I get amazing Italian footware, but I also got the bargain of the century. Hey, that’s a big deal, I live in Manhattan!

My Mother was so proud.

Playing Hooky From Work:

Love this one. Not so profitable but I love it all the same. The best is walking around Central Park watching the world go by. Even better than that is sitting on a bench eating a Dove bar. Heaven.

Icy Alcoholic Drinks:

Pass the Absolut Vodka with Newman’s Own Lemonade please. And can you make it a double? My summer cooling off drink. What a nice way to enjoy the sultry nights in a semi buzzed state. I don’t drink much the rest of the year but for some reason this really floats my boat.

Casinos:

Mohegan Sun anyone? Or how about a quickie trip to Atlantic City? OK, maybe AC after this is over with. Anyway, I go just often enough that the casinos send me free room vouchers. Last time I won so they all want me back. *Smirks*

Outlet Malls:

A dangerous hobby even though I go to “save” money. Yea right. I find all sorts of things I never knew I needed. Maybe I should keep my shopping in New York. Cause heaven knows there is nothing good to buy in the city. Sigh. If only.

Summer Beach Reads:

A perennial favorite. I have no desire to read “literature” in the summer. Bring on the lite reading! I’m totally addicted to these books right now.

Your turn!

Ladies, and Gentlemen, welcome to a New York Street Fair!

I LOVE it here. Even when you are not looking for a party, the party finds you.